THE WARNING SIGNS: The Art Of Helping- What to say and do When Someone Is Hurting. PART TWO

Looking back in the last 15 to 20 years of my life, I can identify areas where I failed, where I succeeded, and areas where I made a difference to some peoples lives. When I worked at Southland Mall in private security I was exposed to a lot of stuff involving just about anything imaginable. There were the shop lifters, the drunk and disorderly, the gang fights, and the domestic violence. There is one particular scenario that happened on JULY 24, 1994 a Sunday afternoon at 2:00 PM. Why was this date remembered? Imagine walking into a room unknowing to you a situation that happened that you had no control over, an event that you never asked for, and you never wanted. It's like asking Where were you when JFK was shot?



On the above date and time as mentioned I was patrolling the South side of the Mall parking lot minding my own business. Working in private security requires some fast thinking, protection of life and property and knowing what's normal looking and what's not, including the people who worked there. I observed a person who normally does not work on Sundays, and that's when it happened. My "Gut Feeling" told me to go over there and say hi to this person, this person I shall call "Cathy." "Cathy" A married woman, with a 9 y/o son at the time and only knew Cathy for 5 years. Other than that there not much more I know about Cathy other than the rumors, in my line of work you do not contribute to the rumor mill.



Curious to find out what was up, Why she was there on Sunday, I approached to say hi. Her response was like a bad dream. Cathy told me her husband threatened her with a divorce. Asking her how she felt? Starting from the top of her face and looking into her eyes she became beet red, turning into jello. The tears pouring out of eyes like water flowing. Obviously she was extreme emotionally distressed about it!!! She literally became a part on me, Not the Cathy I know!!





WHAT DO YOU DO? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO SAY? WHAT DO I DO? THIS IS WHAT I DID AND THIS IS WHAT I SAID!!



First I got control of Cathy, second I asked Cathy to hold my hand, She started to shake and she was in an emotional turmoil all she wanted was to cry. I told her "To let it all out and when your ready to talk raise your head up."

I asked her specifically what she do if your husband does file for divorce, and that's when I knew I was in trouble when she replied " I will kill myself."( WARNING: WHEN SOMEONE YOU KNOW EXPRESSES SUICIDE AND YOU BELIEVE IF HE OR SHE HAS THE MEANS TO DO IT, STOP AND CALL 911!! Don't mess around and don't take chances!!)

When she utter those words She started to cry hysterically with tears drenching my uniform. NOT A PRETTY SITE!

I proceed to ask a series of questions based what I learned from a Psychology class,
1 Provide empathy, 2. Ask why? 3, Ask How or ask if they have a plan? 4 What stopping them? This questions raises doubt, You take what they say and you turn the table to make an argument over to CHOOSE LIFE rather than DEATH. 5 DON'T make promises, 6. In confidence get their Family involved. 7. Encourage them to seek professional help!! 8. Take the threat SERIOUSLY Do not ignore them!

With Cathy, It just took me under 20 minutes for her to go from a emotional breakdown to well enough for her to return work. Not only Did I encourage her to seek professional help but to make an appointment to see a Catholic Priest at her parish. Lastly I obtained a phone number where she was going after work and I gave a deadline to call my wife( not me) but my wife. ( You never want to get mixed up in someones marriage problem) and If I didn't hear back by the deadline I was going to start calling from her parents to her husband and everyone in between till find out where she was, NOT TO MENTION THE MARRIAGE PROBLEM, BUT for her SAFETY, AND I Meant It!! The Good News, She did exactly everything I told her to do.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Expect the Unexpected, Give the person choices. In Crisis intervention you are their life line, They have the choice. I told Cathy there was two ways we can go about it I can call 911 and you can go to the hospital, OR You can do it yourself without the "Circus." Which one do you want?

I don't recommend the tactics I used to anyone, I did What I can do based on how well I knew Cathy and her Personal circumstances, everyone does not respond the same way as Cathy did. If you ever find yourself in a similar position, Ask God To send The Holy Spirit and Pray to give you strength. Do the follow ups short and to the point by not overextending your welcome. IT WAS A HAPPY ENDING!! :) :) :) I SAVED A LIFE THAT DAY AND PERSONALLY THANK OUR LORD FOR ASSISTING ME!!